Random Words

Hey you,

It’s been a while since I have last written to you. It’s past 2am, and I was already in bed ready to sleep. The words started filling my mind. Words for you. Words I would like to say to you.
Much has happened since I last wrote. I am literally a mess at the moment.
Words are coming out of my mind and I have the feeling I am making no sense. It is incredible how I always feel the need to write whenever I am obliged to stay in bed for too long. It is the carnival and I not celebrating it. I am laid now. I have a twisted ankle from last Saturday. I twisted it at the game. I was so pissed during the game, you couldn’t even imagine.
This season started perfectly, we had a new coach we all soon began to love, and we were all together again, P and C had come to join the team. And then all the problems began with the new direction of the club. For the second time now, there are people thinking about leaving, there are some you have already left, and we also lost our coach. Things are pretty shitty now. In mid December I injured my right knee (I am still recovering), and two days ago I twisted my left ankle.
Apart from that I am still trying to understand I can I still be missing someone I haven’t had contact with in I don’t even remember how long. Well, that’s not so completely true. Every year I send you a Happy Birthday’s text message. Two years ago you answered it because you fail to recognise my number, but last year you answered it knowing it was from me. I have also written you an e-mail and you answered it. There was a smile on my lips for days at a row.
And this is what I have been having difficulties understanding. How can I still miss so much I person I ever know by now, this assuming I might have met you one day.
I feel time passing, see people getting together, braking up, getting over it, and it’s like I am still, surrounded by a world moving.
I went to place we met a few months ago, I visited common friends and I could not stop thinking about you all the time I was aboard. I don’t really think this should be a surprise. I am mean, there isn’t a day going by that I don’t think about you when I’m here, why should it be so different when I am at the places that remember me you the most.
I didn’t ask them about you. I wanted to go and see you, I wanted to talk about you with everyone, but… I had my trip all planned out, and I haven’t done much except being a lazy bum. Yes, it was cold, and rainy, and grey. Lousy excuses. The only thing I wanted to do was to see. So badly I want to see. What would your reaction be, I wonder? I almost sure you wouldn’t like seeing me, but something deep inside keeps telling me that you would, that you think about as well, that we could still be at least friends.
Since last August I have been learning your language. I lately haven’t been given it the time and effort it requires, but I am learning a few things. There is the possibility of my going for a language summer course, but my dissertation is also due in the summer. In my mind, I have time for everything, but then I don’t give the effort needed and I leave everything for the last minute. We will see how it goes in the next couple of months.
Miss you.
Luv d.

A word from you

My clock counts 595 days, 3 hours, 9 minutes, 35 seconds. Is this long enough? Why do I still think of you? Why do I still miss you? When a person has some spare time, one should relax and enjoy its time. Why isn’t like that for me? When I have nothing to think about for only a second, my mind flies to find you. There is nothing I can do to avoid that. Everyday I think of you, I miss something about you. I have tried not to write, I have tried to ignore these feelings. Was I any successful? No, not at all.

In days when I miss you the most, like the one passing by me at this right moment, I google you, I see what have you been doing. I know where you are working, I have been told. I also know you bought a car :) I also start looking at pictures, and then I get sad, like I am now.

My only wish is to hear a word from you. That is my most precious hope.

Quote of the day: If you are not too long, I will wait here for you all my life. Oscar Wilde

Please, don’t be long. Remember me one of these days. Send me a word. Make me smile.

Nothing like a sick leave

Think about it for a minute.

When you are on a sick leave you amazing things happen in your life.

You have time to catch sleep.

You have time to give that call or send that email you postponed for so long, your friends started thinking you were no longer alive.

You have the time to just sit back and watch the tv for hours on a row.

You have the time to think how busy your live is.

You have the time to think about options, to find options, and to do something for them to happen.

You have time to look at the time passing my.

You have the time to read the book you are keeping for when you have the time.

You have the time to be bothered.

And when that moment comes, that’s when you can no longer avoid what you most wish to avoid.

The memories take over your thoughts.

The smiles take over your eyes.

The perfume takes over your nose.

The kisses take over your lips.

The missing takes over your hug and heart.

And then you find you have time for nothing else.

You find yourself wishing to go back to your busy life.

You find yourself praying to hurry the days you once wished to stop.

Now you know why you have such a busy life.

Now you know it’s not time what you need.

Now you know a schedule of 15 hours a day is just the thing for you.

You won’t complain ever again.

And you also know that particular book will remain exactly where it is.

That book needs more than time to be read.

That book needs a distance you couldn’t yet found.

That book brings you back to your memories.

The ones you want to forget.

The same ones you wish to keep forever.

If these thoughts are with you even when you don’t seem to have time to breath,

How can you avoid these thoughts when your spare time is more than you bear?

Maybe a sick leave isn’t such a good thing after all.

Happy Birthday's undelivered wishes

Hello you : )

Happy Birthday!
Χρονια Πολλά!!!

Hope everything is well with you; that you are in Greece, enjoying your family, your friends, the warmth, the sea, a good novel at the sound of the waves, your cousin’s car, the oranges’ smell, the sound of the wind blowing through the orange trees, working on your tan, avoiding mosquitoes at the open theatre. Or about to fly over anyway.

I hope the PhD is finally finished and you are about to do all those things you were wishing to do after the PhD.

Wishing you and d a wonderful day.

PS. Virtual birthday gift on googlemail.
(by now I have no idea what this means)

(2007.03.26)


Hronia polla!!!
It’s never too much to say

Silenced Words

I have just found, inside my agenda, a rough paper. A letter of some kind. A few words. Words to you, as always. Words left unspoken, unsaid, undelivered, as many I wrote, before and after the ones I’ve just found.

When have I written them? I have absolutely no idea. But for the words I have completely forgot about and now read, it seems to be a note I wanted to post to you, once you were not answering to my e-mails.

Well, I haven’t heard from you I don’t even remember for how long. It’s incredible how these words still make sense after so long. After have written then for so long, and after so long since I last heard from you.

The date I didn’t write. It really doesn’t matter. Time is just something to guide us in life, to have a perception of things passing us by. For me, as for anyone, I believe, time is relative.

So, without a clue of the date when these words were written, this is what was written:

‘Hi, are you not talking to me? I hope you are not upset… Or maybe you are! Is it because of that e-mail I have sent you, where I said I miss you? I am sorry if I did upset you… I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to feel. I am not smart, really, I am honestly stupid. But I just didn’t want you to stop talking to me!
I hope you have said something to me by the time you got this letter. If not, please do!


The way I said goodbye doesn’t matter.