But Not Today, Not Today

I opened the document where I wrote ‘Unspoken Words’. I said I would publish those words here. I have decided to do so. But now, reading those words I wrote a few months ago, when we were closer, when your memory was clearer to me, something made me hesitate.

Are those words more important than the ones I now write? I don’t think so. Maybe it is just that these I am writing to you. You wouldn’t possible know, but you can open this page and read all these words I am writing. Those words weren’t written to be read. If to be read, it should be as a whole, as a story, a complete one. As a book, I would wish. Always time is not enough, and then the time to write passes.

I wanted to write a book to you when I first started writing ‘Unspoken Words’. I then wanted to write another book to you. I said it to you in one of the emails I wrote, and I’m almost sure you haven’t read. Anyway, that’s maybe a story for another day. How I have decided to write this blog. Or better, not how have I decided to write, just how the name was chosen.

The thing now is: should or should I not publish ‘Unspoken Words’?

Somehow, for being older, they seem to me more private. They seem almost like a treasure box I’m not yet ready to open.

If I doubt it’s because I’m not sure.

If I’m not sure then I shouldn’t do it.

And so I won't.

Maybe is just the mood I’m in today.

Perhaps in another day.

Time.

Always time.

The one that keeps running and that I can’t keep with.

The one that is taking you further and further from me as your memory vanishes lost in the impossible crosses of my memory.

The one I wish I could stop.

Lie.

The one I wish I could turn back.

And then stop.

There.

And then.

Stop just there.

Stop just then.

And I can assure you, I would gladly live my entire life forever in that moment.

Get bored?

Of you?

Impossible.

Nothing is impossible.

Except the things that are.

What is impossible?

Time.

Always time.

Impossible to make it tick backwards.

I wish.

I had.

Time.

What I do have.

Is time.

To keep on hoping.

Because even when all hope is lost.

Something happens.

And we hope again.

Today I believe it is possible.

Today I remembered a picture I once took.

Today I remembered a clock ticking backwards.

Today I hold to wishing.

I know I should never give up on you, on us.

I know I should never let us be forgoten.

I know I can turn time in my favour.

Even if it goes on runing against me for a long time.

There will be a time when it will be runing side by side with me.

In that day I will kiss you for eternity.

Until then.

Time.

Always time.

For better and for worse.

Time.

For skiness and for health.

Time.

For loving and for longing.

Time.

For wishing and for hoping.

Time.

For dreaming and for believing.

Time.

For you.

All the time in the world.

For life to brings us together.

Time.

Always time.



ps. This is a picture I once took at a restaurant. It’s a real clock and it real works. It really ticks backwards. I found it amazing. I loved that clock. And it’s so subtle people can go without noticing that in that restaurant time is ticking back!