Old Words

Let me go back in time. Not far. A little. Just enough.
I have decided to include here texts I wrote some time ago. Yes, to you. Who else? Words you never got, because I never sent.

A collection of texts, they are. ‘Unspoken Words’, I called it. Even then you didn’t want my words. You said it didn’t help to imagine us together. But my imagination is all I have left to bear life. It’s because I have you in my dreams all night that I dare get out of bed and face the day, and face all the light for what I have no protection. I have sensible eyes. I’m almost blind during the day. But at night, I can see clearly, and what I see is you. You, and you alone.

Holding your hand I travel. To you, with you, but never from you. In my dreams, I do. I’m never still dreaming when I wake up, and so we never say goodbye. There is no need. I never said goodbye. I thought that was no need. I thought I was going to see you soon after. I didn’t. Should I start saying goodbye in my dreams? To dream, I can always, can’t I? And I still hope I will see you. One day. Some day. Hopefully, not a very distant one. Until then, I’m glad I still have you in my dreams.

A collection of texts I called ‘Unspoken Words’. They include:

‘Unspoken Words’ (goes as an introduction)
‘Silence’
‘Words’
‘Obrigada Querida’
‘Your Room’

Then I have an incomplete draft, and a few more titles with a few words. My thoughts come to me in such a disorganised way, that I can’t even right a passage at a time. I write more than one, parallel thoughts all coming from the same place.

How can they be parallel and come from the same place? Parallel lines don’t touch. Not at the end, and certainly not at the beginning. Or maybe they do. In me, at least. Else, what would I call them? How would I classify them? Is it so important to classify, to label? I don’t think so. But we have to name things, to classify them, to group them, so we can explain what it is we are referring to. Well, they do come from the same place, from the same exact point. They have the same source, so to say. And as they go, they always have the same distance between. They don’t get closer nor nearer. They continue side by side. When was that they distanced from one another so to go side by side? And when was it that they have stopped moving away from each other? I am confused. What did I expect, trying to explain how my thoughts travel in my neurons?

They come from the same point. There is space between them. They did never go apart, they did never stopping going apart so that they could travel side by side. Maybe they are layers. No. That would imply to have some at the surface and some bellow. No. They are equal. Call them parallel, call them whatever, or don’t call them at all. This is the way the travel, in my mind. Is it not possible? It is in my universe.

Maybe one day I will finish these pieces of story, bring a meaning to these titles. Maybe I won’t. It won’t be the same. The time has passed, and so maybe I shouldn’t. Perhaps I will write something completely different starting from the words I then wrote.

Until then, I’m glad I still have you in my dreams.

Do you know what would I like to do? I would like to take you out of my dreams. Yes, to take you out of my dreams! …